Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
