I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
