her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
