Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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