My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
