She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
