How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
