Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
