U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
