Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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