i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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