I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize