Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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