i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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