We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
