Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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