I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
