If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
