I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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