I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
