I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
