i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
