It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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