I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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