I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
