Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
