Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
