Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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