remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
