should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
