my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He told me they were just razor bumps!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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