Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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