Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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