Are we in a gay sports bar?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it's like iHOP with fire
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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