That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize