You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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