Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
