No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
