I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
