i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
