She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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