I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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