I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
