alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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