im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
