now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
