I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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