Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
