I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
