His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
