oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
