it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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