Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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