I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
