There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
