Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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