Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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