i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize