Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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