his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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