dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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