those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
