escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
