I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
