good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
