My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
