I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
