My first STD was from a foam party
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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