Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
