shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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