Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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