There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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