She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
