How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
