obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My feet surprised me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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