When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
