i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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