Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
