Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
