I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
