College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
porn star boner night. come get it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
