I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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