apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
