Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
