but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
