You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
