He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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