when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
