Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
