Where is the hickey?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
