my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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