I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
