I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
