I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
