my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
