Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
