Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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