My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
