matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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